The Dark Continent

My journeys through Africa always conjure up a mélange of random thoughts and an incessant supply of sighs that accompany the several incidents of infrastructural failures and civil disorders.

The West African region has always been subjected to travel advisories by hyper sensitive foreign missions and buckled up military attaches – exotic dangerous zones that are on the wish list of every adrenaline junkie. 

From bicycle world wanderers to war zone contractors, some of these countries still boast of regions that have barely tasted the first dew drops of 21^st century civilization ( of course, barring the Indian Gujaratis & the Lebanese businessmen – who inhibit these lands for not the rush or the exoticism but purely for money, such embarrassing pussies..Fuck).

Understanding the colonial past, the current political disarray and the systematic breakdown of development efforts would clearly make it easy for any outsider to realize why everyone from your average taxi driver to the uninterested restaurant server looks visibly upset and frustrated.

Most of the low rung able bodied male workforce you come across has served in the military, the rebel 

militia, as an armed criminal or just as an angry violent man protecting his family and property. Well, there is no sequence or pattern to those tenures and chances are that he has served both as Military and rebel at different stages. (Well, whoever pays on time gets his loyalty for sure!)

Ok, you have to give it to the Belgians and the French that they taught their subjects how to bake some good fuckin bread and come up with some great results from the oven. The beers aren’t bad too !

Having said that, they murdered and brutalized their ‘black slaves’ with such ease and comfort that it would make Adolf Hitler turn in his grave and feel bad about being soft on his concentration camp tenants. The standing instruction for the Belgian & French colonists was to kill any ethnic subject on the first instance of disobedience. Non compliance was subjective and something as small as refusing to do the dishes on the master’s command was a good enough reason to land up in the pit with a bloody hole to the chest.

Since this is not a history lesson and the world has moved on – let’s get the shit straight here – West African colonies had their fair share of brutality, subjugation and humiliation at the hands of their masters. This history of torture and colonization can be a major production mill for frustration when countries like DRC are plush with natural resources and have no reason to experience poverty or to have its citizens treated like dirt worldwide. (Till early 2000s, people used to randomly stumble upon diamonds while walking along the Congo river in the capital city Kinshasa – that does say SOMETHING about their mineral wealth abundance).

The world changes and so do the methods and ploys that the sinister human brain comes up with. The new colonists don’t swear by the gun (the US failed in Iraq/Afghanistan) but rather by carving up an intricate and complex economic web of bribing the fat cats- aid grants- technology dependence and a fair bit of surrogate arm twisting in the political arena.

Taking the example of the Democratic Republic of Congo here – apart from being well endowed, the men here are also known to be trigger happy and extremely violent. Studies and historical memoirs prove it was not like that in the beginning. The inhabitants of the region were the standard Hollywood variety jungle people who would  welcome all- lets wear leaves around our ass and dance in a circle –happy go lucky tribals who got tricked by the cap wearing white explorers and later on by the innocent looking cross wielding missionaries. 

On a side note, I always like the mystery around the nuns - I mean the missionaries have a sex position named after them, but anyway, back to the Africa analysis.

The DRC of today is a country plagued with rampant corruption, infrastructure breakdown (or the lack of it), abject poverty and a violent civil war that has claimed the most lives after the 2^nd world war.

But these guys aren’t Muslims and they are black – There will be no Muslim groups crying for them like they whine about Palestine all the time. The West doesn’t give a fuck either, and the Asians – well let’s just say the Asians are the new Jews. In all this chaos, it’s the Chinese (and to some extent the Indians) who feel it’s their turn to suck the juices of bliss in this otherwise supposedly god forsaken land.

At the peak of the civil war in the 90s that lasted about 8 years, there were close to 10,000 casualties a day in Congo alone. Final casualty figures cross the 5 million mark. A million Hutu civilians died in Rwanda as well. The civil war still rages in the country’s restive eastern part as of 2013.

But hey! The world’s a crazy place, shit happens all the time, you can’t just hold on to some statistical numbers and get all melodramatic about it. There is Swine flu and I-phone 6 to worry about. (not to mention Argo beat Lincoln at the Oscars, Go Argo !)

Today’s West Africa needs international intervention – the western arms industry has been fuelling the civil wars here to keep their weapons business greased up with fresh supply orders. Sponsoring a dictator and then instigating his rival to throw the first one off the grid has become a morbid fun game for some of the western countries who see it in their best interest to keep Africa under-developed. The international intervention we are talking about involves stopping undue interventions in someone else’s mess. Let them fight it out, figure it out, learn to evolve and handle their own mess.

Some critics might disagree with me and claim that whatever little sanity or civilized lifestyle that was imparted in Africa, was indeed a blessing to those inhabitants. Well, Ethiopia stands out as a clear example of a country that staved off the colonial powers and has now turned out to be a pretty decent place – the people are warm, welcoming and anything but violent.

But all my thoughts about the situation perhaps seem to be an implausible vile rambling of a rabid uncouth South Asian. After all, where else can the Americans adopt cute black babies from without much paperwork – they make such adorable pets. The game safaris, the exorbitant per diem payments for the contract work to build temporary ‘bus sheds’ and the great employment opportunities that come with development work in these countries. I have honestly met so many white ‘advisors and contractors’ that advise and consult on ridiculous projects. That money could have probably fed thousands of starving IDPs (Internally displaced refugees).

But looking at it, paying $600/day to an American consultant at the Health Ministry who adds value to the society by training people on the benefits of using soap properly after taking a dump is a much bigger priority than feeding let’s say a bunch of dying infants in a refugee camp. WHAT IF someone handled their powdered milk jar with unwashed hands, that would be so uncool.

A great continent that once had its own thing going on – the rich cultural heritage, the vast expanses of pristine virgin natural wonders, music-tribal arts and tradition - will only move in the direction of mayhem in the foreseeable future.

Its inhabitants who could have been suave and educated will forever be condemned and be looked upon suspiciously for their aggressive demeanor and their tendency to rob you at the first available instance. Guess what, it is the outsiders who taught them this violence and the art of robbery – and now, they should forever be destined to live-thrive-survive-connive on the Dark Continent.

The great Indian rope trick - Babu Edition

Holy cows, magic ropes, flying carpets, spicy food and head wobbling touts at public places – the common perception of India in the hearts & minds of every tourist that wants to bestow his tourist dollars to this gracious motherland called India.

To my brothers, sisters and fellow corrupt douchebags of this great nation, let me embark on this literary journey to introduce you to the world of exported Babudom. Yes, you guessed it right – IFS – Indian Foreign Services, our diplomatic staff in the distant lands.

The crisp ironed shirt wearing Babus who are the flag bearers of this great nation and its legacy to people in far away countries. They enjoy diplomatic immunity, fantastic foreign exchange salary, free travel and a lot of other perks that include the privilege of being allowed to take one servant along to the land of their posting.
Seems perfect, doesn’t it?

What more could a Babu ask for? If not for this little blessing right from the Headquarters of Bhagwan via Fedex, they would have been sitting in some pan-stained dusty office in India.



This is the stage in my little rambling when I throw a bit more light on the Indian rope trick and emphasize on how it has quintessentially proved time and again – ‘You can take an Indian out of India, but you can’t take the Indian out of him’. Magical words I tell you, never do they seem truer and so etched in stone than in Indian embassies abroad. Always makes me emotional, sniff.

 The rope trick involves creating a paper rope, no no, not a physical rope you silly reader, a rope of documentation requirements that is meant to go around the neck of a visa applicant.

Only steel cuts steel, only diamond cuts diamond – similarly, only paper cuts paper. Kapish ? catch my drift ? Papers come in various varieties. Certificates, letters, mark-sheets, sale deeds, agreements and of course Bank notes.

Case 1: A babu working at the Indian embassy at Toronto earns roughly $55 an hour, not to it is tax free. A 2 year tenure should easily allow him to come back home and buy a decent apartment or a 250 gaj plot in the suburbs (of course purely as an investment, he is a foreign return diplomatique babu – he don’t stay in no suburbs).

His stature and salary structure do not desist him in indulging what he thinks is part of his SLA with the government of India and its citizens.

Asking for money.

The Number 1 SLA/KPI every babu is appraised on during his ACR/year end review.

The bribe amount starts at $50 and goes down to $20 (C’mon, bargaining is fun and a habit too!)

 Some of the people who were asked for a $20 bribe were so offended by the level to which Babudom had stooped. They had expected a ‘foreign posted’ babu to show some more self respect and asked for at least $35. Several bribe givers, oh..I meant, peasants angrily put an extra $10 in the bribe to bring it to a respectable amount. True story, by god.

Case 2: Diplomatic Staff at Indian embassy in Bangkok made an elderly C level Italian executive run around in circles for his visa for a simple reason. He had applied for an employment visa to India and his ‘age proof’ was missing from his documents.

Some of you are probably smiling victoriously right now, claiming to know what comes next.

Yes, his passport and birth certificate were not considered as authentic enough to substantiate his date of birth.

Exasperated, frustrated – the Italian asked the magical rope trick trigger question, about what would be considered a DOB proof.

The Babu goes : “ 10th ka certificate hai aapke paas ?”

The noose of the Indian rope fastened, the Italian’s worst nightmare was now a real life drama.

The magic trick was now complete.

Bharat Mata ki Jai.

Give me a Gift - Feel like a King !

There was a sense of worry as the plane touched down in Kinshasa and I looked at the N’djili airport - on most days it looks almost abandoned or a bus station doubled up to cater to the aviation industry at best.


Yellow walls, almost falling apart, visible mold on the walls – not a very re-assuring sight of an International airport.

Well, 2/3rd of the country is still rain forests – maybe the molds are part of a half hearted attempt to boost tourism, I thought to myself in a vain attempt to feel better. Nevertheless, the wanderlust and the eternal traveler in me geared up for the challenge and I proceeded to douse myself in the magic potion of immigration.

If you’ve ever had a pet dog in the house, you're familiar with that look where the pooch keeps staring at you while you eat – in a desperate hope & wait that something’s gonna make it to his palette too. Now replace the dogs with airport officials and push up the breed from a pooch to a rottweiler.


THAT – ladies & gentlemen – defines the situation at N’djili airport.


Nervously moving ahead, I frantically try to get some signals on my mobile phone – automatic /manual, SMS, MMS, ANYTHING ? I was even willing to accept sexts from my contact in Congo during those moments. The network coverage on my phone fails – and so does my attempt to connect to the rest of the world.

Voila, there I was at the window – a little smile and a sweet Bonjour later – the lady immigration officer was going through my passport pages. Everything suddenly seemed normal and I almost wanted to brush aside all the BS that seemed to have done the rounds about N’djili being one of the most corrupt airport in the world.

She asked for Yellow fever certification – no problem madame, invitation of entry – no problem madame, visa – here it is madame, how much money you have – not much madame, is it your first time in Congo – Yes Madame.

And there it was, our little moment of revelations. Now it was HER turn to smile – a small eye gesture to her superior and there it was – all official wolfpack in that room got into ther hunting formation and slowly moved towards their prey. Me.

20 Minutes into Africa and I was already part of a game safari.Great!

“You come first time, you give me gift, show your bag how much money you have” A couple of “Sivouplay Madames’ later I figured out they meant business and would not budge.

Finally when they realized I was adamant on wasting time, they came up with their winning trick:

“You have return ticket ?” – Yes Madam, see, I have full booking. “Ok, we deport you now on the same plane because you come to Congo with litlet money, you don’t give us $200 gift”

That’s when the alarm bells rang – All those trashy whiskey laden conversations with other travelers started reminiscing themselves in my head and I knew that they WILL deport me if I didn’t pay the bribe, or gift as they preferred to label it.

A little negotiation, charm and puppy faced antic lead to the ‘gift’ being set at $150 – I was unsure whether to be ecstatic or be marooned with dismay when they said “ See you again”.

With the money well spent within the first 30 minutes of arriving I moved out of the airport, welcomed by almost 100 men – all wielding Kalashnikovs and menacingly asking for my passport. Convinced they don’t speak English, I kept mumbling “You wish motherfucker, you wish”.


Getting a taxi is a story in itself – nevertheless – as it turns out – at every traffic signal the cops approach your car and salute you.

No, I do not wear shirt with stars on the shoulder – neither do I look like Moammar Gadhafi or Obama.

They salute you, and then walk up to you asking for a ‘gift’.
The gift can be 1000 CFA - $1 – INR 50.

I had a grand welcome since I was saluted at every intersection by every cop – felt like a visiting dignitary or a police chief – all it cost was $10!

Now that’s what I call good value for money and a nice return gift!

Welcome to Kinshasa !

Choking the last sliver of Green

A few weeks ago as I drove through the not so prime looking sectors of Dwarka – New Delhi late at night, my senses were thrown off track by a family of deer that suddenly dashed to cross the road.

Yes, I know what you’re thinking now – the answer is NO, I had been sober that night and not a single drop of alcohol or a single strand of marijuana had been consumed.

The excitement soon faded into worry and then a phase of deep thinking (thanks to my unemployed ass that sat at home all day and gave me enough time worry about global issues) – If there were deer in a bushy patch of land well within the capital city’s urban landscape, how long would they survive ?

How did we miss this struggle of the wild animals as we snatch away their habitat – one apartment complex at a time and rampage their living space with highways and big streets.

I came to realize a depressing fact – the cost of development. I suddenly connected the dots and analyzed that none of the ‘western/developed’ nations have any significant wildlife, especially predators.

Perhaps barring a couple of Scandinavian countries where Polar Bears exist quite close to human habitation, it is unfortunately true that most developed nations now boats of a diverse wildlife albeit only confined ‘wildlife’ in fancy zoological parks.

It’s shameful that the mighty Europe (or the US) does not have any significant leopards, wolves, tigers, jaguars, elephants, rhinos to boast of. What a shame!
The development chart of a nation and the depletion of its prime wildlife is clearly evident – and this holds true for all countries and has nothing to do with lack of space.

It is really ironic that the poorest nations in the world take pride in protecting and maintaining a healthy & vibrant wild life. Even though you cant really blame those guys from eating the damn animals out of hunger !

The countryside of most European countries is blessed with wide tracts of land that seem perfect for sustenance of the wild beasts, however I wonder if it’s the fear that led to their extermination.

As China transitioned from developing to developed in our lifetime, the case of the last tiger being killed was as recent as 2009, just co-incidence ?

And as India leaps ahead into a future that promises a status of a developed economy, the ‘save the tiger’ campaign seems futile in spite of MS Dhoni’s best efforts.

All of these thoughts got me right back to where it started, sector 20 Dwarka – where I spotted those Deer. Are they still alive, did they get hit by a truck , did a migrant jhuggi dweller have a nice meal for weeks…and all of these thoughts got me worried.

To be honest it feels awesome to have deer n stuff running around your house and it validates the fact that as an entity that shares the planet, being closer to nature brings happiness to humans.


A little help from google revealed that I am not the only one who chanced upon this uncommon sight and these tense thoughts:

http://groups.google.com/group/dwarka-residents/browse_thread/thread/86e3baf1adb6f43c/67e68d5bda78383d?show_docid=67e68d5bda78383d&pli=1

Thankfully, 4 days ago I spotted the deer again and this time I had a good look since they decided to venture out during daytime – Darwinian theory at play, evolving deer that get used to traffic!

As the days go by and India progresses, I wonder how many more of these random urban deer,rabbits and eagles will fight a futile battle to make it out alive.

Muammar Gaddafi - A misunderstood dictator

Muammar Gaddafi – A dictator who was dictated to

It all started with Osama Bin Laden this year and the success charts on the world policing charts of the western powers have been adding one masquerading son of a bitch after the others in the ‘gone for good’ section.

Libya is now a liberated democracy and people are celebrating their new found independence that will soon allow them ‘even easier’ access to Coke, McDonalds and Ford automobiles. In exchange for all this, all they need to do is welcome the oil companies like BP with open arms and take them to their oil wells (they WILL find the oil wells either way - welcome or unwelcome).


Earlier this year, the Arab spring ensured Egypt joined the fancy bandwagon of democratic nations. Today, 6 months later, as I sit back watching the news – I have a smirk on my face and the Egyptian people have blood on theirs. There is chaos in the streets and people are disillusioned with their freedom. Nothing has changed! ( Kinda reminds me of all the Anna Hazare supporters in India who will witness the same if the Lokpal bill gets passed).


Muammar Gaddafi, known to the world as the sexual maniac with the penchant for well endowed Ukrainian nurses and a tantrum throwing ability that made a 6 year old spoilt brat look mature ruled Libya for over 3 decades.
Most people are happy that he was gotten rid of and Libya ‘must be’ a better place without him now.

Those people are the same ones who believed Taliban bombed WTC and there were WMDs in Iraq. In my personal thesaurus, I like to mention these people in the category of retards.

What baffles me is that the same Champions of Human rights – the flag bearers of righteousness who came half way across the world to ‘rescue the Libyan people’ suddenly went quiet when Gaddafi was shot point blank in the head after being arrested alive. Gaddafi did his fair bit of horrible stuff and was not a fantastic leader or a great person by any standards – but sure didn’t have t be shot like that while alive.

I summarized the last few years of Gaddafi’s rule and you decide if the people were genuinely being tortured: A few stark reminders of the Libyan regime’s ‘oppression’:


1. There is no electricity bill in Libya; electricity is free for all its citizens.

2. Home considered a human right in Libya – Gaddafi vowed that his parents would not get a house until everyone in Libya had a home. Gaddafi’s father has died while him, his wife and his mother are still living in a tent.

3. All newlyweds in Libya receive $60,000 Dinar (US$50,000) by the government to buy their first apartment so to help start up the family.

4. Education and medical treatments are free in Libya. Before Gaddafi only 25% of Libyans are literate. Today the figure is 83%.6. Should Libyans want to take up farming career, they would receive farming land, a farming house, equipments, seeds and livestock to kick-start their farms – all for free

5. The price of petrol in Libya is $0.14 per liter.

6. Libya has no external debt and its reserves amount to $150 billion – now frozen globally.

7. A portion of Libyan oil sale is, credited directly to the bank accounts of all Libyan citizens.

8. 40 loaves of bread in Libya costs $ 0.15

9. Gaddafi carried out the world’s largest irrigation project, known as the Great Man-Made River project $27 billion, to make water readily available throughout the desert country.

10. There is no interest on loans, banks in Libya are state-owned and loans given to all its citizens at 0% interest by law.


Somehow the US/NATO suddenly decided that the people are ‘oppressed’ and human rights are being violated.


Saudi Arabia has the worst track record in Human rights and it went to the extent of sending tanks to neighboring Bahrain when Shia majority protestors wanted a change of Sunni regime . Hundreds were killed in cold blood but the western world looked the other way.

Thank you ARAMCO and the ass kissing Saudi/Bahraini kings, your countries will not be invaded, keep killing whoever you want.

It is obviously clear what the reason for invasion was - LIBYA HAD ITS OWN OIL & MONEY AND THEY DIDN’T WANT TO SHARE IT with anyone.


Italy is as complicit as anyone else in exploiting Libya. Berlusconi had a personal relationship with Gaddafi that mutually helped both nations; Italy gained more in absolute terms.Italy promised to invest industrially n Libya and in exchange got oil at discounted prices.

The Italian navy unofficially reduced their operations by over 50% since 2008 since a new disturbing trend started. Gaddafi and the Libyan navy were assigned to intercept and destroy boats carrying African immigrants and asylum seekers before they reached Italian waters.

No one ever questioned why Illegal immigration to Italy dropped significantly over the last few years.

Italy was the ultimate beneficiary, poor Africans died and Gaddafi got the blame.
Of course, Italy is an awesome country – Geneva Convention signatory and has nothing to do with this.


What further baffles me is that the US talks about massive human rights violations and violence in Libya as one of the reasons they chose to come half way across the globe to deliver ‘justice’.

What about Mexico? It RIGHT NEXT’FUCKIN’DOOR and violence levels can be compared with Liberia and Congo!

Oh wait, but Mexico is a Christian country and doesn’t have oil. That explains it, inn it ;-)

So now, Libya joins the league of liberated countries like Iraq, Afghanistan and Egypt. Justice has been delivered, Gaddafi is dead and the Americans have successfully managed to secure new friends in the Islamic World.

Anna Hazare & the Retarded masses - The Death of Logic

With the Hisar bypoll result out - Kuldeep Bishnoi emerges victorious and thanks the voters for supporting his ‘development policies’. The fact is, the only person that deserves his gratitude is Anna Hazare.

Anna Hazare’s movement stems out of the near fatal corruption level that exists in our system, however his recommendations – approach and ideology regarding the Lokpal Bill are full of flaws and destined for a failure, if implemented.

I have no reservations about colluding with Anna on the primary reason, that’s daily corruption which makes a reasonable lifestyle an extremely challenging proposition in this part of the world. However, it is the ideological difference and execution of draft where I see myself pitched against him.

Anna Hazare is a semi literate senior citizen, who is socially unaware of the pace at which the world is changing. His exposure to the world is limited and his experience with the finer things in life is limited (Since he never married and had any wives/children). I do not blame him for his judgment skills and view on issues – since it’s his situation ( or rather lack of being in situations) puts him in a frame of mind with outdated ideas and unrealistic milestones.

The problem of corruption in India is not as simple as ‘Remove Politicians- Punish Government officials’. The public is as guilty as the politicians and the idiots in the Indian masses are following Anna blindly.

The lack of a admirable public figure (also lack of sex & entertainment) ensured that people started wearing Anna caps. 90% of the people wore Anna caps and orchestrated mob demonstrations without even reading the Jan Lokpal bill in detail. For some, it was a plain fashion fad and an opportunity to do something cool or probably have new pictures for a Facebook album. ( Kinda reminds me of MS Dhoni trying to save the tiger online,haha, click on ‘save tiger’ on Facebook and feel good about it while REAL tigers still get poached in Jungles).


Anna Hazare is not the solution to India's problem, he will only make things worse.


We take pride in being the largest democracy in the world and he wants to change that by undermining the respect a Prime Minister's office commands.

As it turns out now, he has sympathies from the right wing parties in India ( The BJP & RSS). He has banned English, Meat & Tobacco and Cable television in his native village and a common punishment is public flogging for violating these. It is ironic he calls himself a modern day Gandhi! That is as progressive as it gets.


His solution asks for Lokayukts (kind of like Law Marshals) in every state that would take up corruption cases ranging from a constable to the Prime Minister. For India about a million of these super cops would be required and considering there would be untouchable by law, corruption is bound to creep into the system. What happens when the untouchable become corrupt? No one answers that.

If he is allowed to have his way, this will be the start of right wing activists forcing their way into tearing a democratic system. This is how Taliban came into power, claiming they will rid the system of corruption (and they did to quite an extent but at other costs).

India has one of the dumbest voter clan and governments get toppled here on issues like onion prices and people blindly follow anyone in these desperate times. Anna Hazare situation is no exception.

It’s not the laws we need, its more educated and sensible people - For example we have Sec 498 (anti dowry law)..The intent is malicious in almost 70% cases, while only about 30% are genuine cases. The law is misused by women to harass and falsely frame the groom's family. Before adopting & enforcing a law like Lokpal ( and imagine a million untouchable Lokpal officers)- we need to realize the possible threat that will emerge from its misuse – It is human nature, power rattles the human brain and this Lokpal Bill does not take that situation into consideration. Remember the time people were being arrested for no reason under TADA?

What about people who steal electricity and we face power cuts because WE pay the bills and THEY don't. I am sick of the power cuts because of these thieves that live among us, more than corruption - the power cuts at night affect my life ! And yeah, the Jan Lokpal Bill does not include corruption of these sorts that is deep rooted in Indian masses; we just love blaming politicians for everything.
Include the public as chargeable/one of the guilty parties in the Lokpal - Someone trying to PAY bribe gets the same punishment as the government official - then it makes sense.

EXAMPLE - If a traffic cop pulls you over, writes you a 1000 Rupee ticket for using mobile while driving (honestly does his job), would you quietly pay 1000 or *think* if something can be arranged for 300 ? The problem lies inside our own heads.

If corruption is a problem, STOP voting on the basis of caste/race and religion. We ourselves, choose to vote these ministers to power and then claim there is corruption, the answer lies in voting the right people - not rooting for Anna.

Don’t vote for Congress if you don’t like the candidate. But don’t vote against congress just because Anna Says so ! You are indirectly helping another corrupt candidate come into power. Anna is stupid, you don’t have to be.

Reservoir Dogs - Maya Magic

With the inaugration of the Dalit Memorial in Noida, Mayawati has reiterated on her position as the champion of Dalit advocacy in India. For convenience, let’s just skip the polite words like Dalit/Harijan since that’s more of a forced condition that has been thrust upon the general masses as part of a greater movement to secure votes.

If I want a secure government job or an admission at my regional engineering college – I would proudly write ‘Scheduled Caste’ on the form and easily cut through the bureaucratic red tape, whereas if a colleague happens to refer me with the same – I will drag him to court and call a press conference to highlight these ‘atrocities’ on the oppressed. Isn’t that just super awesome?

An outcast untouchable Bhangi/Chamaar who was constantly subjected to oppression and injustice, has now acquired a newfound taste for power – thanks to the flawed reservation and Dalit appeasement system promoted in India.

Do not mistake my viewpoint with a pseudo sense of superiority or think of me as a flag bearer from an Indian version of the cone hooded men (the closest group being the RSS, funny how these groups work out 3 lettered names across continents).


When an uneducated, money hogging incapable woman becomes the Chief Minister of a state and nurses ambitions to make it to the Prime Minister’s office in the near future, the situation demands nothing short of a collective effort to root out the problem. The Schedule Caste/Lower Caste card has been played too long and by too many.

The part that bothers me is that the average oppressed lower caste individual, who is supposed to be the end beneficiary – is still being pushed around, is still being lynched and is still being expected to survive on 32 Rupees a day. It’s the urban ( ok, semi-urban to be honest) lower castes that are milking the system and occasionally holding the country to ransom by playing the ‘ We were tortured and exploited’ rhetoric ( Kinda reminds me of the Jews sticking to the holocaust for as long as they can milk it, Chamaars/Bhangis are the Indian Zionists eh ? lol)
It beats me how the people of this country or the state in question can be absolute idiots to not see that in spite of the abundant poverty, disease, crime and lack of infrastructure – Mayawati decides to spend Rupees 685 crores on building Statues of herself and her family members (who are uglier than her) rather than utilizing it for the welfare of the people. Even if she decided to spend it solely on the lower castes (Dalits), it would have been a justified move.

The problem lies with the reservation system as it results in nothing but a vicious circle.

You give someone a ‘reservation’ in job/education just because he has a ‘SC/ST’ tag and then expect them to have an opportunity to get mainstream. It’s like handing an athlete a prize even before he has run the race. These people get used to having ‘reservation’ and then want these privileges by default after a certain time. I don’t blame the people, the fault lies in the policy making process.

Now, simultaneously, imagine the plight, frustration and anger that simmers amongst the ‘upper & other castes’ when they see that they have been pushed out and someone else gets a seat without fair play.
How the hell can you expect these people to accept the SC/ST as mainstream??

Fair competition, zero reservation, abolition of privileges is the only way to gradually include the lower castes into mainstream. When the forms will no longer have the section ‘Caste Category’, the Dalit tag will gradually start to dissolve in the absence of repeated usage.

It is not an easy step, and it will not be quick. The whole system is very fragmented and divisions run deep. Upon acknowledging my last name (yes, I am an upper caste Brahmin) – most government officers usually refer to me as ‘Pandit Ji’. I don’t blame them, its their way of expressing brotherhood and venting out frustration against their lesser educated colleague who is 5 years junior but still manages to get promoted based on his ‘Scheduled Caste privileges’ .
But we need to give it a shot, the sick India needs this shot before the disease that Mayawati carries becomes a fatal one.

The day Mayawati becomes the Prime Minister of India – I will renounce my citizenship, burn my passport and head to the mountains in Nepal.

And till the reservation system and benefits for Chamaars are in place, I will refuse to refer to them as Dalits/Harijans.